Have you ever felt that your life is already boring and that everything you do is routine? Well, that's what I'm feeling right now. Suicide aside (faaaaar aside), I need a solution to this crisis of mine.
Everyday I wake up, I go to the computer. After some time on it, I eat, I iron my clothes, and I go to the review center I'm enrolled in. I spend a couple of hours in the review center shivering (they have some high-powered ACs), ride a jeepney, sleep during the sojourn, get home, a few minutes on the computer again, then sleep. Weekends are laundry days and general cleaning days. Then repeat. For Pete's sake I'm like an effin` robot with effin` nothin` better to do aside from my routine. Boring isn't it?
I was in a jeep this night just about to go home when the driver picked a fight with a traffic cop (we call them MMDA back here). The effin` driver effed up the copper by saying effin` words to him. The copper in turn shouted effin` words back. There were four passengers. Me, a gay dude, and two gorgeous nursing students. The two girls were sitting 6 or 7 persons away from me, a couple of feet perhaps. The gay dude, nevermind him. I was at the far end of the vehicle. When the driver and the cop started effin` each other, the two girls were like from the front of the jeep slash zoooooooooom slash to the far end where I was sitting. They sandwiched me. *drools* Girls will be girls. They got rattled easily by the mere shouting. I mean, the driver and the cop were serious looking dudes. They look like they're about to really kill each other. No kidding. But me, I was like, "What the hell. Let them do what they want. I'mma just gonna text my girlfriend here a 'take care' message." As soon as the ruckus was over, one of the nursing students looked at me while she was still beside me. I smiled back. She moved away. Maybe I'm scary too. Am I indifferent to what's happening? Was it meant to be this way, or did my environment shape me like this? Even after that, I felt nothing different. Again, routine.
Is this the world we're living in right now? Is everything like a production line wherein machines assemble parts of other machines? Man, I surely would hate to live this life routinely. Sometimes, I can't feel that I'm alive. It's like no one would care even if God says He's coming down tomorrow to judge us.
It's not like I don't do nothing to alleviate my woes. Chicks and girls? Sure they're great. It's the most satisfying hobby in the world for men. Women. But someday or another you'll get bored of them. Like me. I'd rather stick to the one I have right now (and this I emphasize: My love for her is deeper than the Marianas Abyss) than to look for others I ain't even sure would love me back. In this world full of shit, lollygagging is not as acceptable as it was a few centuries back. Of course, that count doesn't include rockstars, skaters, thrashers, et al. Maybe it still is acceptable. Anyway, girls are fine. Make friends. Make sure you don't fall in love with them. Make sure they don't fall for you. Shit happens.
Moreover, I tried other remedies like exploring my newfound area Manila. But it also gets boring. All you see are people, cars, black smoke, dilapidated buildings, gorgeous women, slippers, knickknacks, and other things that would just make you say "WTF?"
Another thing I did was to play and play and play computer games and watch movies. PCs, PSPs, DVDs, ABCs, whatever. Even so, it still feels all routine. It's like your life was planned to be boring from the start. I ain't blaming God though. We have free will. We make the calls. It's just that life for the average person only have a few choices. What can we do if we're broke?
Now I understand the position of thrillseekers, death-defyers, and daredevils. These are the people that take life and death as their cocaine. They make it their own personal high. And that's one thing I think I need right now - my own personal high. Don't get me wrong, I dont wan't no drugs. I'm clean. But I really feel that something is missing. And something is really missing - thrill, excitement, whatever the name is.
I semi-promised (semi-promised? Is there such a term? Let's make one up just for the sake of this post) to myself that after I become successful in my career, I'd do sky jumps in Las Vegas with all them Flying Elvis people. I semi-promised myself to bungee-jump off a bridge, race a NASCAR vehicle, drive like nuts around the street and let the police give chase, be an astronaut, apply to the military, fly a plane, travel around the world with my family and girlfriend, anything just to take the boredom and routine off my life. I just need that heartshocker that would tell my effin` brain "Bejeesus! You're still alive dude! Go live another day!" I don't feel that no more. I can't even recall if I felt a heartshocker already. I need to give myself a jolt - a jolt so strong that I will feel my life. A jolt so strong that it will wake up all my senses again and live my life to the fullest with enthusiasm and zeal.
What can we do besides all that I mentioned here? I dunno. Humans are enduring, persevering, intelligent creatures. I'm sure I'll find a way. I just needed to blurt all this out of my system. I'll find my personal high sooner or later. Perhaps even my girlfriend would help me find it. All this TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read)post because of my boredom of life.
I think I'll run my Red Toyota at topspeed in the road sometime this week and let them coppers give chase. Maybe I'll even tote a gun at the car window for that matter. That would sure wake the hell out of me. It's my nearest possible remedy. Hopefully I won't crash it to another car or on a streetlamp.
Man, I'm losing it.
'Till my next installment.
